It is about value. We have value. My name is Sue Mocker and I want to share with you some ideas I have about our value as human beings. My story of childhood sexual abuse started at age four and continued with a 30 year relationship with a man who also abused me.
There is something about how people treat us when we are young that puts an imprint in our brains so that we believe something that is not true. I believed the lie that my body was to be used for someone else’s gratification. At first I felt special, I felt chosen, I felt loved. But now I know that the way I felt may have been true from a young person’s perspective, but I realized that I have more value than that. What I realized as an adult is that my behavior revealed that what I thought of myself was that I had little value when it came to how I allowed people to treat me. My coping skills from a young child followed me into adulthood and did not serve me well as an adult. The problem is that I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
I have been growing in so many ways so that now my hope is that the imprint of my life is replaced by more value. But what is the real value of my life as a human, a child of God? I recently attended a retreat for women who were sexually abused as a child that ‘The Younique Foundation’ hosted. I am 52 years old and I am still working on understanding that I have value, that I am not a worthless person with nothing to offer that can be used at someone’s discretion. I was sad to learn that I am still struggling with being worthy of love. With understanding that I have value. I am loved dearly by my wonderful husband of 6 years. It seems each day away from my abuse that I am able to receive the words from people who love me, that I am loved. I thought I would go from not feeling I have worth to feeling I have worth. What I am learning is that it is a process. I know I am beautiful and I am precious in the sight of the Lord. I know that. But for some reason I am not behaving as if I truly believe it.
A Precious Daughter of God
Thank you God for allowing me to see the truth of what I believe about myself and I ask that you continue to show me how precious of a daughter I am to you. Slowly but surely, the imprint in my soul of the lie that I am worthless is being replaced by the truth of my worth. I’m getting there.
It’s a journey and I am excited to be moving forward toward healing and breaking free from the lies that abuse feeds us. If you think you are not worthy of God’s love or that you are unwanted, that is a lie. You are loved by God and You are a Treasure and a Pearl.