In the series called The Truth Is Not Delicate I describe a list of unhealthy thoughts and/or behaviors about what I may have taught my daughters as they grew up in a home with a young mom (me) involved in an abusive marriage and who was just discovering that she was sexually abused as a child.
Number eleven in this series was: not trusting God is not okay. This week number twelve in the series is: being ignorant of these behaviors is not okay.
Ignorance Can Be A Decision
You may have heard the saying ignorance is bliss which may be true under certain circumstances, but when it comes to the effects of abuse, ignorance is not okay.
Below is a review of the behaviors I have modeled to my children that are not okay:
- The silent treatment is not okay
- Yelling at anyone is not okay
- Giving up or giving in is not the same as compromise
- Always doing what spouse wants when it isn’t what you want without speaking up is not okay
- Teaching my daughters that it’s not okay to cry is not okay
- Making excuses for spouse’s poor behavior to protect him is not okay
- Allowing spouse to treat me disrespectfully is not okay
- Not believing my gut (feelings) is not okay
- Believing I am not worthy is not okay
- Being fearful is not okay
- Not trusting God is not okay
A Purposeful Journey To Awareness
I have been learning how to heal from the effects of my abuse for many years. I was focusing on my own healing not realizing that my behaviors towards my children–due to my abusive past and marriage–affected them in ways I didn’t understand. What I’m learning now as a mother of adult children is how deep the wounds are from childhood abuse.
Thankfully there has been a lot of research in the last several years bringing clarity and understanding about how abuse affects a child’s brain. The following is a link to a childhood trauma resource guide which includes recommended books, healing practices, and other helpful organizations. This knowledge can help us become aware of the wounds and find healing. I don’t want to be ignorant of the effects of abuse and how we can heal. That’s why my mission is to help break the cycle of abuse, and I want to start with my own family.
I want to share with my daughters that for whatever part I played in teaching or modeling ignorance, I am truly sorry. I ask for forgiveness. I want to share healthier communication styles that provide a different teaching model not only for my daughters but also for all my relationships.
A Call To Action
Learn more about how you are not alone, that there is hope and that you are a Treasure and a Pearl. If you are interested in following along in the series The Truth Is Not Delicate and other blog posts you can subscribe to Sue Mocker’s weekly blog. You will also receive 10 Tools to Combat Loneliness after you enter your email information. SUBSCRIBE TODAY.
I know God loves me even when I need to make some changes. I am a Treasure and a Pearl.