I viewed God through the lens of childhood abuse. I perceived God as mean, unloving and uncaring. I thought God loved other people, but I was different. He couldn’t love me because of the pain I went through. I brought this confusion about God into my parenting.
When I operate in the spirit of fear, I’m not functioning in power, love and self-control. As a mom I displayed fear which is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
Self-worth is the underlying purpose of my blog: A Treasure and a Pearl. I wrote about self-worth in my very first blog back in August, 2015. If we say we believe something but our actions don’t match that belief, do we really believe it? We can have head knowledge but if it doesn’t travel down deep into our heart then we haven’t really embraced it. As a mother raising my children, I wasn’t aware I had an issue with self-worth.
In the series called The Truth Is Not Delicate I describe a list of unhealthy thoughts and/or behaviors about what I may have taught my daughters as they grew up in a home with a young mom (me) involved in an abusive marriage and who was just discovering that she was sexually abused as a child. Last week, number six in this series was making excuses for my spouse’s poor behavior to protect him is not ok. This week number seven in the series is: allowing my spouse to treat me disrespectfully is not ok.