How Can the Grieving Process Help?
This is my anniversary month of signing my divorce papers. Every year I seem to get sad around this time. I don’t want to keep being sad around this anniversary. This year I realize that maybe I haven’t grieved the death of this marriage completely. Not sure what completely means, but there always seems to be more to grieve when it comes to divorce. Each year that goes by, I am stronger and healthier, but there are deep wounds in my body, soul, and spirit. I am learning to embrace my emotions, but also learning to realize that it is okay to be real about how we feel, even several years after a sad event. I don’t like grieving. It takes too long. It hurts. It affects my relationships. I don’t feel like myself.
Why Allow Grief?
On the other hand, maybe I am more myself when I allow myself to grieve. Maybe the grieving reveals more of what I need to face as reality. I know when I got divorced, after being in that relationship for 30 years, there are so many layers of loss when a divorce happens that my mind can’t even think about all of the losses at once. So each year, I seem to connect with different losses that came from the divorce. But lately, I have been thinking about how the divorce must have affected my children. My parents did not get divorced, so I have not experienced that as a child. I have not experienced what my children are going through. As their mom, I pray that they are able to heal through the pain of divorce.
Who is the real me?
There are so many feelings that come up around my divorce that my main goal is to not shove them back under the rug, back inside my body where they make me sick. Literally. For someone who hasn’t been able to name my feelings let along share them, it is still fairly new for me to be the person who can share the real me. I am still learning who she is. She is emerging from within me. Sometimes I think my daughters don’t recognize me. I am different after the divorce. Forever different. And that isn’t a bad thing. I am more me. I hope being more of me allows my daughters to be more of themselves.
It is ok to be me. It is ok to be you. We are loved. We are all a treasure and a pearl.