In the series called The Truth Is Not Delicate I describe a list of unhealthy thoughts and/or behaviors about what I may have taught my daughters as they grew up in a home with a young mom (me) involved in an abusive marriage and who was just discovering that she was sexually abused as a child.
Last week, the subject of number five in this blog series was teaching my daughters that it’s not ok to cry, is not ok. This week I have decided to take a break from the list to let you know what my God revealed to me. The reason for the break is that I was having a hard time with number six on my blog list. I don’t think I was having a hard time only because of what I was working out in my head about what blog number six means to me. I was really struggling to figure out why I was not at peace about writing it. To be clear, none of these blogs have been easy for me to process, write and put out there for the world to see. However, I have had peace about each one until today. You can expect me to get back on track with blog number six next week.
Make A Change
This week I was thinking about yet another thing I needed to ask for my daughters’ forgiveness, then I realized I had not gone to God to ask for His forgiveness. You see, if I am asking for forgiveness for something wrong I have done because I want to change my behavior, I need to turn from that behavior, make a change, as well as ask for forgiveness.
Jesus Rose From The Dead
This week is a reminder that God is my creator and the one I surrendered my life to Easter Sunday twenty-three years ago. At that time, I finally understood that God sent his son Jesus to die for me was buried, and rose from the dead. I am forgiven. He forgives me when I come to him and sincerely ask for forgiveness. He is the one in control. He is the one transforming my mind, my body, my soul, my spirit and my life. He is the one I desire to obey when He asks me to do something. So today, I got on my knees and went through the list of twenty-seven items I am writing about in this blog series. I spent time talking to God about each item, and asked Him to forgive me.
I Am Forgiven
I want to share with my God that whatever part I played in teaching or modeling these twenty-seven things to my daughters, I am sorry. I asked Him for forgiveness. I want to remember that I can always go to God with anything that is on my mind. I don’t have to hide from God. He is waiting on me to come to Him with my whole heart. I want to share healthier communication styles that provide a different teaching model not only for my daughters but also for all my relationships. It is my twenty-three year-old (and growing) relationship with God that gives me the strength and humility of heart to continue on my journey of healing and transformation.