Collateral Damage

Collateral Damage

Have you ever had somebody drop a bombshell in your family–something so shocking and so devastating that you didn’t even know how to respond?

When my former spouse dropped the “D-Bomb” I was in shock and felt like I was on a battlefield. I felt like I was hit hard and was bleeding from the bomb shrapnel. I realized I was the intended target to receive the initial blow because he said he wanted a DIVORCE.

On the battlefield when a bomb explodes, there can also be unintentional injuries to innocent bystanders.

Shrapnel Hit Others

When the divorce bomb is dropped on a family there is collateral damage. In my family, my children were collateral damage. They were unintended targets that shrapnel also hit from the bomb explosion.

When someone is in survival mode it’s like being on an airplane where you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help your children with their oxygen masks.

As a family divides, the wounds from the shrapnel can be deep and painful. I was fighting for my own survival, and I couldn’t help my children in the way they needed at that time due to my injuries. I felt helpless; as I was devastated my children were also injured and suffered harm.

Understanding Other’s Pain

It’s not about assigning blame; it’s about understanding each other’s pain. If I didn’t take the time to heal from my wounds then I would not be emotional and physically available for my children to help them with their wounds. That’s the greatest thing about living in community. When I wasn’t available to provide my children something they needed others were there in my place. I thank all of the others that stepped in to help.

Intuitively we want to help our children before we help ourselves, but the truth is if I’m not breathing I cannot help someone else breathe. Give yourself grace because when you are working on healing yourself you will be equipped to help others.

You can survive the “D-Bomb” whether you were the intended target or collateral damage.

You are loved. You are brave. You are a Treasure and a Pearl.TreasureandaPearly-HopeAllowed

3 Replies to “Collateral Damage”

  1. Deservedly, I praise your article by quoting you, Sue: You are loved. You are brave. You are a Treasure and a Pearl.

  2. Oh, Sue, this message is profound and so well explained. I’m so sorry you went through such pain and grief.
    I never imagined just how much the shrapnel would hurt my ADULT children! The thought never entered my mind that they would be so angry and shut me out of their lives along with, eventually revealing how much they resented me not doing it when they were young. We have a great relationship now, but it took a very long time for them to forgive me.
    Regardless of whether you were the one who presented the D papers, it hurts to your very core. It feels like trying to handle a death.
    Your affirmations about just how much hurt there is and the process of even BELIEVING there is hope for everyone’s future is priceless.
    Sue, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. May God continue to shower you with blessings. He is using you as one of His angels and I am so grateful for you!

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