In a previous blog I wrote about how I was recently becoming more aware of my gut feelings. However, as a parent raising my two daughters I did not have a good awareness of trusting my gut feelings. What I ended up doing was modeling decision-making that was probably a little wishy washy.
It was difficult for me to deal with other people’s emotions because I didn’t know how to deal with my own in a healthy way. I think it bothered me when my children cried when they were sad, hurt, or afraid because it felt like I was like looking into a mirror and seeing something I wasn’t willing to do myself.
Last week, number three in the series was giving up or giving in is not the same as compromise. This week number four is: always doing what your spouse wants when it isn’t want you want without speaking up is not ok. In one word this statement can be described as “appeasement,” which is defined as the state of being appeased; the policy of giving in to a demand in order to preserve the peace; to dispel anger or hatred.
One of the things I learned when I was a child was that whenever my abuser came to me I didn’t have much of a voice or vocabulary like “no” or “stop it.” I just felt like I had to give up and give in because I didn’t have any power. In my mind my feelings didn’t matter. I was invisible.