One of the things I learned when I was a child was that whenever my abuser came to me I didn’t have much of a voice or vocabulary like “no” or “stop it.” I just felt like I had to give up and give in because I didn’t have any power. In my mind my feelings didn’t matter. I was invisible.
In the series called The Truth Is Not Delicate I describe a list of unhealthy thoughts and/or behaviors about what I may have taught my daughters as they grew up in a home with a young mom (me) involved in an abusive marriage and who was just discovering that she was sexually abused as a child.
Something that has become very important to me is my level of awareness. Lately, the area I would like to have more awareness revolves around how my past has affected me and as a consequence has influenced those around me.
Recently I heard a beautiful song about being kind to yourself. We give away what we have to give. If we have love for ourselves, we have love to give away. If we are kind to ourselves, we have kindness to give away.